Saturday, March 6, 2010

joys of morning sickness

Today is not such a good day. So if you arent in the mood to read something negative, i suggest u skip this one. I just need to vent about how I feel and what is going on. Everyone talks about how joyful pregnancy is and how it is just the greatest thing. Im not finding that at all. Of course im excited about having a baby and starting a family but to be totally honest, I see a single girl walking around looking all healthy and able to actually eat without throwing up and I feel so jealous.
my worst is at night for some reason and i come to the point where i feel like i cant go on another day with the morning sickness. it sounds so dramatic and it is but lets be honest....we have all been there at one point with something. But i have been okay because i thought i would only be sick for another week or so. Well come to find out I have at least another month of this. How do people do this and then get excited for it again? It feels like I am never going to get better in these 9 months and I am so discouraged.
I think what i struggle with the most is that it reminds me so much of depression and when i hit rock bottom with it. You have the same pit of your stomach turning feeling and nothing sounds appetizing and the last thing you want to do is eat. The throwing up and feeling like you will never be cured or feel better. but the worst would be the feeling of stuck...just feeling like there is absolutely nothing I can do and no one else can do. Like I wake up every morning feeling the same way and will go through the same routine and feeling sick and then more and more sick till the end of the day when I am laying on our couch crying cuz i dont want to do another day.
I know I am a wimp and I am not looking for pity at all. I just really need to write it out and vent. It is the only way to get all these feelings out of me. I do know how lucky i am that i am able to be pregnant and have a child when there are so many women out there that would kill to feel the morning sickness I feel cuz it would mean they could carry a baby. And i am forever grateful for that. I just dont see why God had to decide that we would be sick while pregnant as if child birth wasnt enough.
Sean is Mr healthy in my eyes now even though he is so stressed and everything. All he had to do was plant the seed and sit back and watch. Such unfairness. I wish they got morning sick with us just to see that its the real deal and we arent faking it. I promise Sean that I dont walk around the house making myself dry heave 24/7 for fun or attention. I would much rather prefer to have a nice evening.
Anyways I sure hope this goes away sooner than later and I can begin to enjoy being pregnant. Hopefully I wont lose all my friends because of how moody and out of it i have been for the past few weeks. I know my husband dreads coming home :-) But he is a good sport. Anyways if you stuck through this whole thing thanks for listening and dont judge me....I just simply needed to vent a little

2 comments:

  1. I think most women who have been pregnant can totally sympathize with you. With Audree I was sick all day long every day until I was like 18 weeks along. I cried so hard every day because I just wanted to die. I wanted to take back having a baby. I couldn't believe that I could ever do it ever again. But then oddly enough it passes and you have that baby and you look at him/her and you think, dang I could totally do that all over again. It's weird, but that's how I felt. I was really really scared to get pregnant a second time. I wanted it so bad but I was terrified of the morning sickness. Much to my surprise I wasn't even nearly as sick as I was the first time. It was such an enormous blessing. So there's hope :) Around 13 weeks things usually start getting better. So look forward to that.

    Trust me, you are NOT a wimp either. Seriously it is so hard. I don't know why it has to be that way but it is. After the morning sickness is gone then there is a whole new list of symptoms to deal with. But I promise you when you see that baby's face and hold it for the first time it truly makes it all worth it. It doesn't wipe your memory of all the pains clean but it does dilute it. Our desires as women to be nurturers I think is what drives us to do it more then once. Those desires can be strong enough to make us forget how painful pregnancy really is.

    But seriously once the morning sickness is gone the rest of the pregnancy, though sometimes painful, is really so much better. Just like while you are sick you can't remember what it is like to feel well, you will likewise not remember(clearly that is) what it is like to not feel just normal pregnant.

    It is exciting yet so trying at the same time. Good luck and call me if you need anything. I know how you feel :) I hope that it will go away soon. Stick in there.

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  2. Seriously try vitamin B6 50mg with half a unisom before u go to bed.. Miracle worker!! My doctor told me to do it and I still didn't normal but I felt 98% better!! Hang in there I was sick till 15weeks and after that it was great!! Once u feel your baby move it's all worth it.. ;)

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