Baby Tucker

Tucker is finally here with us and we are so happy to have him. It has definitely changed our lives so quickly. Who knew that you could be this tired and that nights could last so long!!!! For the first couple weeks he would NOT sleep in his own room and crib but he has finally gotten used to it (thank goodness) and he sleeps in there and wakes up every 3 hours to feed like clock work. Luckily I have an amazing husband that takes half the night for me and feeds him so I can get some sleep. We have to feed him bottles and I pump so he still gets my breastmilk. He had really bad jaundice and they wanted him to have his system flushed so we were ordered to give him bottles and some formula which made him hate breastfeeding. So we do bottles now :-) At least now I can actually see how many ounces he is getting and have peace of mind that he isnt starving.

Sunday on 10/10/10 I was having consistant contractions for the third day in a row so we decided to go into the hospital just to see if I had dilated anymore or anything. I had been to the doctor 2 days before then and I was at a 1 and 90% effaced. We were pretty sure we would get turned away but Sean really wanted a 10/10/10 baby and my induction date was just a few days away so we decided what the heck. Well of course I was the same but they could see my contractions were every 2-4 minutes apart and then they noticed that the baby's heartbeat was dropping during every contraction which made them nervous. So they decided to keep me and induce me slowly and watch the heartbeat of the baby. So I had to wear an oxygen mask for a couple hours to help the baby out since he seemed stressed with the contractions. They were going to do the balloon thing to help dilate me more and then start me on potosin. So the doctor comes in and he is one of the 2 that would deliver me depending who was on call. He is brand new so we didnt know him very well but he was in the WORST mood ever. Even the nurses were turned off by him. He came in and didnt even say hello. Literally just told me to open my legs and then he just about killed me. Without telling me he decided to do the whole dilating thing with his hand instead of the balloon. So im writhing in pain and my sister is running to my side to hold my hand. Then he finishes and takes his glove off and doesnt even say sorry or anything. he claims he was tired cuz it was 12:30 AM but its not like I wasnt tired too.

So i get on the potosin and waited awhile till I got an epidural. Then the next morning the other doctor came in and checked me and decided to break my water cuz i was at a 3 or 4. So I got the epidural which I was terrified of and it was not completely painless like so many people say. So that kicked in and it was heaven. They break my water and that was even better haha. But then all the sudden I start feeling really bad contractions again and they keep telling me to just push the button which I do and it does nothing for me. So I go from being dilated at a 6 to a 9 1/2 feeling every contraction with the epidural not working. The guy comes back in that did it and checked it and said that it must have pocketed or something in my spine and not gone thru or something so he re did it again. Then I went completely numb and was happy once again. But of course 20 min later I feel the contractions full on once again and they are telling me its time to push and I am freaking out that I am feeling everything. LUCKILY i felt every contraction like normal but down low I felt nothing. So the baby coming out was not painful...just the contractions. So I am one of the few people that the epidural doesnt work on.....just lovely.

So baby's head comes out first and then instead of having me just push him out the rest they quickly pull him out and rush him over to the table and he isnt crying and was completely blue. So the nurses are calling doctors and saying code blue and stuff and then calling the helicopter to get ready to transport. It was the worst feeling in the world being stuck on that bed and just seeing nurses running everywhere and knowing my baby wasnt breathing. They ended up bagging him and then I see them wrap him in a blanket and literally run out of the room with him. He didnt breathe for 8 minutes and they dont know why. His heart rate and everything else was great but he just didnt want to breathe or cry. Once he started breathing, he still needed help for the next 24 hours and was under oxygen and very close surveillance. He wasnt allowed to leave the nursery and I didnt get to see him for a few hours and I would have to go in there to see him. We were pretty scared and they ran tests on him the next couple days and could not figure out what was wrong. Finally the doctor came to us and told us he was a miracle and to put a smile on our faces and be grateful cuz no one will ever know why this happened. He said he had never seen this happen before where there was no damage or birth defect or something more serious. It is unheard of that he didnt breathe for so long and then all of the sudden started to. So we feel extremely blessed to have him here with us.

He weighed 6 lbs 15 oz and was 20 1/2 in long. He is just a little peanut. He just had his 2 week appt and he is in the 11th percentile for weight and 7th percentile for his head hahaha. Just tiny. It is definately a lot more work than I ever thought it would be to be a mom but I love it. Of course you have the brief moments of "what have I done" but they pass. I definitely never knew you could feel so much love so quickly for someone. And for it to be so strong. It is an experience I will never forget.

4 weeks left!

Who believes that is 4 weeks (hopefully) I am officially going to be a mother to a little boy. I cannot believe the time is getting so close but I am beyond excited. I am only at the beginning of the one month away countdown and it already seems like the longest month of my life haha. I just want to meet the little guy and get to know him and see what he looks like and see Sean interact with him and everything. There is just so much I am so excited for. Which is way nice cuz it distracts me from my fears of having a child as well.

the 3rd trimester hasnt been too shabby. I feel huge of course but Im not sick and everything is going well baby wise so I cant complain. The one complaint i do have is I now consider myself part werewolf because my husband and I discovered the other night my nice coat of darker hair I have grown on my back from the hormones this trimester. Luckily it goes away after giving birth and all will be normal but for now I am part of the wolf family.... It is so weird to think that next month I will have someone that is dependent on me and need me 24/7 and is my responsibility for the next 18+ years.

Sean is getting really excited as well to have the baby. Everytime I have more than one little contraction he thinks we should go to the hospital :-) Its pretty funny. I think he is more excited cuz he wants to speed to the hospital and basically be a wreckless driver like in the movies when realistically it wont be necessary.

Anyways everything is well and I am so excited for Tucker to come out a play....hopefully sooner than later but I cant get my hopes up!!

hormones

my hormones this week are soaring. I am not sure if this is a normal but it is not fun at all. I got a sudden surge of them or something and I am way emotional about everything. Sometimes I can laugh about it but other times I am just upset. Sean doesnt seem to understand anything about being emotional or anything and i swear he gives me a hard time about everything 24/7 and it always ends with me upset. I keep explaining that i am sensitive and he cant tease me like normal when im not pregnant but it seems he cannot get past it and it has worsened. I know I am out of whack cuz when he teases i start thinking that he has made it his life mission to make me upset when everyone knows that is just dramatic. oooh lovely hormones. All i can say is i cannot wait to be back to my normal self.

In the past few months I had plenty of little freak outs about actually having a baby and how much everything is going to change but I am getting a lot better now. I am now so excited to meet my little boy and see what his personality is like and what he looks like. I am still nervous of course and worried about how much work it is but seeing how much I can love my sisters little baby when he isnt even mine....i cant imagine the amount of love a mom feels for her child. Quinn isnt even my baby but i would do anything for him (including sitting in the back seat to make him happy in the canyon till my sister had to pull over and let me throw up :-) ).

My sister in law comes in tomorrow to stay with me for a week and then we head up to wyoming for the 4th of july. she is going to help me set up the nursery and then go to the eclipse opening show with my friends and me on my bday!!! How lovely that I get to go out on a date with Edward and Jacob on my bday...couldnt get better than that. So the next week is looking like its gonna be pretty exciting. cant wait!

Lots of Pics

Basically this is just a picture update for everyone and so that my sister can copy them to her computer :-) But the pic of me first is me at 22 weeks pregnant since a bunch of people have been asking me to post a picture

This is my grandma and great grandma in Portland OR

Tiger decided that Quinn was her baby and needed to watch him :-) so cute

Tucker Sean Murphy

WE are having a BOY!!! Im not gonna lie...I am a little scared. I always thought I would have a girl first so it threw me off a little but I am still so excited. We went to fetal foto and it was such a neat experience! We loved it. He was definately wide awake in me and using my uterus as his little aerobics room. The nurse was shocked that I couldnt feel him kicking yet cuz he was just pounding away in there. She said he was the most active baby she has seen in awhile. So we will see if he is the same way when he comes out! So i am 15 weeks now and my sickness is still getting better as long as I take my medicine to help it. But my stomach is getting more and more big every day. It is the weirdest feeling. You know that feeling when you eat too much and you think...my stomach skin is soo stretched feeling. Thats how it feels all the time but you are out of breath on top of it. And this is just the start haha.

Once in awhile I will feel something like a small kick of some sort but I dont know if its the baby or if it is just gas....I hear that is common haha. So here are some pictures of little Tucker

Another good news is that Sean and I think we found an apartment. It is a complete stealing deal and you better believe I did everything in my power to get it before the other people that were supposedly applying at the same time. I went slightly psycho and was throwing cash at the poor guy but I think we got it! We find out tomorrow. Its 3 bedrooms 1 bath and the best part....There is a DISHWASHER!!!! soo soooo happy bout that. So if we get it I will be painting it just to make it cuter and putting some cute wallpaper in the baby room probably. I dont know if you are allowed to paint when ur prego though but i hope so. Anyways Ill let u know if we get it!

mini baby bump

So I have reached 13 weeks with my pregnancy which I am pretty excited about. I am finally starting to have good days and some bad but at least there are good days in there. This week though I have reached the point where I am beginning to really notice my stomach. Its not big yet but there is something there and since I am smaller I think I notice it more. For example I love to sleep in a tiny ball and that is not working so well anymore with the stomach in the way. or bending way over. Another example is today I was climbing through the window which sounds weird but I was playing with my cat and decided that was the last time while being pregnant that I would be able to do it cuz it was a struggle. It is a very odd thing to get used to having something that kinda gets in the way when your not used to it....and im not even sticking out a bunch yet hhaha. But i love it and it just makes me feel more pregnant now that I have a little something. My baby is 3 inches long now and we just got to hear its heartbeat for the second time. it is so amazing.

Another plus is I have gotten my energy back and I think my mood is going up a little at a time. Most women are emotional while pregnant.....well im just angry. And who gets to deal with it? My poor husband Sean. I think at one point he was convinced that I hated him. Im pretty sure I am a scary pregnant lady but hopefully its fading but Sean would be the one to know if I have tamed or not :-) But the thought of hanging out with people and being in public is seeming more and more fun and I miss it whereas before I just wanted to lay around all day. So i am pretty happy bout that.

Here is a picture of my little tiny bump. I see other people at 13 weeks and they are showing so much more! Im like....come on baby grow!!! But here I am at 13 weeks

Baby Quinn

My sister is officially a mom and I am an aunt!!! I am so excited. On monday she had a c section and had her baby Quinnton. He is absolutely adorable. I just love him so much. He weighed 7 pounds 9 ounces and the second they lifted him out of her tummy he let out a HUGE scream. I couldnt be more happy for my sister. She is going to be a great mother to him. She gets released today from the hospital which we are so excited about. The baby is completely healthy but Aub has seen better days. Her blood pressure sky rocketed and wouldnt come down so they didnt want her leaving the hospital. She knows all the technical stuff bout it so dont ask me....ask her.

This had made me so excited for my baby. I am on week 10 starting tomorrow which is exciting for me. Hopefully the sickness is almost over. I had my first ultrasound the other week that I forgot to post so here is the ultrasound.....

feelin good

Today is a better day than the past couple weeks and I couldnt be more happy about it. I know I still have a bit of sickness to go but hooray for a good day! I was able to wake up and get the house cleaned, grocery shop, and best of all.....straighten my hair!!! for everyone that has curly hair that normally straightens it you all know what I mean when you havent been able to straighten it for awhile and then finally get to. I actually have hair and not some rat nest on top of my head. Sean and I are going to chiles tonight to use a gift card we won since we dont know when the next "good" day will be that i can go out haha.

I have been so anxious for my sister Aubreigh to have her cute little boy. She is due on Wednesday but I am sure she is getting the feeling that this baby is never going to leave her tummy. In the baby's defense....Aub stayed in our moms tummy past her due date so her boy is just taking after her :-) But I am so excited to get that phone call saying she is on her way to the hospital. I cant wait to meet my little nephew!!!

joys of morning sickness

Today is not such a good day. So if you arent in the mood to read something negative, i suggest u skip this one. I just need to vent about how I feel and what is going on. Everyone talks about how joyful pregnancy is and how it is just the greatest thing. Im not finding that at all. Of course im excited about having a baby and starting a family but to be totally honest, I see a single girl walking around looking all healthy and able to actually eat without throwing up and I feel so jealous.

my worst is at night for some reason and i come to the point where i feel like i cant go on another day with the morning sickness. it sounds so dramatic and it is but lets be honest....we have all been there at one point with something. But i have been okay because i thought i would only be sick for another week or so. Well come to find out I have at least another month of this. How do people do this and then get excited for it again? It feels like I am never going to get better in these 9 months and I am so discouraged.

I think what i struggle with the most is that it reminds me so much of depression and when i hit rock bottom with it. You have the same pit of your stomach turning feeling and nothing sounds appetizing and the last thing you want to do is eat. The throwing up and feeling like you will never be cured or feel better. but the worst would be the feeling of stuck...just feeling like there is absolutely nothing I can do and no one else can do. Like I wake up every morning feeling the same way and will go through the same routine and feeling sick and then more and more sick till the end of the day when I am laying on our couch crying cuz i dont want to do another day.

I know I am a wimp and I am not looking for pity at all. I just really need to write it out and vent. It is the only way to get all these feelings out of me. I do know how lucky i am that i am able to be pregnant and have a child when there are so many women out there that would kill to feel the morning sickness I feel cuz it would mean they could carry a baby. And i am forever grateful for that. I just dont see why God had to decide that we would be sick while pregnant as if child birth wasnt enough.

Sean is Mr healthy in my eyes now even though he is so stressed and everything. All he had to do was plant the seed and sit back and watch. Such unfairness. I wish they got morning sick with us just to see that its the real deal and we arent faking it. I promise Sean that I dont walk around the house making myself dry heave 24/7 for fun or attention. I would much rather prefer to have a nice evening.

Anyways I sure hope this goes away sooner than later and I can begin to enjoy being pregnant. Hopefully I wont lose all my friends because of how moody and out of it i have been for the past few weeks. I know my husband dreads coming home :-) But he is a good sport. Anyways if you stuck through this whole thing thanks for listening and dont judge me....I just simply needed to vent a little

Stroller and car seat!

I went out to eat with my good friend Sami today at kneaders (yummm) and she was way nice and gave me a great deal on her stroller/carseat that she used with audree. I LOVE the pattern and it is in great shape. I am so excited that I have that out of the way. I know it is way early to have them but I just couldnt pass it up. and they are neutral colors so it wont matter which sex i have.

oh my gosh I am posting a blog!!

So I decided being pregnant and all I could keep some people that don't see me often updated on everything (kenzie this is for you :-) ). So i found out at the beginning of February at work that i was pregnant. funny cuz we were all just kinda joking around about it and got a test and then i was like....oh my gosh!!! is that a line???? So i told sean and we decided to keep it hush hush for a month or so just in case anything went wrong or something. but then sean could see me getting antsy and wanting to tell everyone so we told a little early :-) let me just tell you....keeping something secret from my family is not easy. I talk to my sister or mom daily and i was feeling sick and moody. It was funny cuz i would wonder about what i could eat or do when i am pregnant and so i would call my mom and be all, "so my friend is pregnant and is wondering if she can eat shrimp still" haha. then i wanted to get everything in order before telling my family and i needed my birth certificate from my mom like immediately and she was a tough one to get thru. the one time she was stubborn about something and really worried it was horrible cuz i couldnt tell her the truth so i had to lie and tell her it was for work which made things worse cuz she didnt like that my work wanted the original and everything. So finally i just had to say "mom i am trying to surprise you and you are ruining it!"

So i told my family by sending them a card saying congrats on the grandchild and then sent them some binkies. I sent Seans family a cross stitch about grandparents and a card too. So it was pretty fun telling everyone.

I get my first ultra sound a week from today and i cant wait! it will make everything feel so much more real. we cant wait to have a mini us running around in 7 months. pretty crazy to think about. My sister is having her baby hopefully this week so its fun knowing our kids will be close in age. we will have to force them to be best friends.

So my goal is to stay updated and write on here but we will see how it goes!